There’s a line from Bessel Van Der Kolk’s excellent tome on trauma, The Body Keeps the Score, that’s really haunting me.
It’s a quote from his teacher, the esteemed and influential psychotherapist, Elvin Semrad who taught that most human suffering is related to love and loss.
The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves
Elvin Semrad
He went on to say that people can never get better without knowing what they know and feeling what they feel.
When you’re just pootling about your day feeling ok, this question has some kind of abstract philosophical value at most. When you’re knee deep in misery, however, it becomes a lifeline to self-knowledge and, to some extent, freedom.
What lies am I telling myself?
That it is possible to find my calling, a vocation that I enjoy, that pays enough and is fulfilling? That I can become a published author? That healing is possible?
I suppose that when you’re trying to get well and be real, nothing should be off the table. And if the above beliefs are simply lies I’m telling myself, then this whole Stinker to Finca project is part of the problem, not the solution.
Semrad went on to say that the job of the therapist is to help people “acknowledge, experience and bear” the reality of life – with all its pleasure and heartbreak.
Are these dreams a bulwark I’ve constructed to avoid ‘bearing’ the reality of life?
Heavy shit for Sunday morning.
I know.
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